Repuclicrat Convenshun -->>MISSION ACCOMPLICATED!

[*Because **NYC** Could Be BETTER!!]

[noRNC] FW:(JOKE!) Republican Convention Schedule-NOT?


Subject: Republican Convention Schedule
AUG. 30

OPENING PRAYER read by Mel Gibson, while being flogged with a spiked
leather strap wielded by Ann Coulter, who will enjoy it a little too
much. TOM RIDGE raises National Alert Level to RED.
LEST WE FORGET -- HONORARY ROLL CALL of All Members of (and Friends of)
Bush Administration Who Might Very Well Have Been Killed In Vietnam If
It Hadn't Been For Nasty Trick Knees, Anal Cysts, Recurrent Headaches,
and Highly-Placed, Overly-Protective Parents. (Sponsored by Tyson
Chicken)

ANTONIN SCALIA speaks -- "SLAVERY - THE ORIGINAL INTENT OF OUR
FOREFATHERS,
AND GREAT FOR BUSINESS! (Sponsored by Wal-Mart)

DICK CHENEY hosts AMBASSADORSHIP RAFFLE - Opening Bid 1,000,000 (cash,
non-sequential bills 20's or less)

CLIMAX OF THE EVENING -- FILM - "BRING IT ON!" Stirring fictionalized
re-creation of Mr. Bush's actual dental appointment in Alabama in 1972,
where he showed the incredible courage to allow "deep cleaning" of gums
without anesthetic. (Sponsored by Sinclair Broadcasting)

SUGGESTED AFTER-EVENT -- "GET BAKED WITH RUSH "Crankster" LIMBAUGH!
(Location TBD) (Sponsored by Pfizer)
AUG 31

OPENING PRAYER read by Our Lord (The Passion Of) Jesus H. Christ, as
channeled by Lt. General William G. "Jerry" Boykin, the man who first
revealed that Mr. Bush was chosen by God to lead this country into war
against the heathens. Mr. Boykin will then give a short, upbeat
presentation on Islam called, "My God can Beat Up Your God." TOM RIDGE
raises National Alert Level to FLASHING RED.
WAYNE LAPIERRE will pry Davy Crockett's Kentucky Long Rifle out of
Charlton Heston's cold dead fingers (subject to Heston's death)
(Sponsored by Smith & Wesson)

DESIGNATED BROWN PERSON (Hispanic or Muslim, or possibly an Hispanic
Muslim, if we can find one) will speak on how being a brown person
doesn't automatically disqualify you from being a Republican (subject to
finding a brown person capable of being bribed to do this -- may need
professional actor, possibly brought in from third world country)

CLIMAX OF THE EVENING -- PAUL WOLFOWITZ announces American plans to
invade Iran, strip them of nuclear weapons, and turn over entire country
to Bechtel to be run as a subsidiary. (Wolfowitz will tell anxious
voters that
the operation will involve 200 out-sourced "consultants", will take one
week and will be entirely funded by pocket change found in a White House
couch.) (Sponsored by Halliburton)

SUGGESTED AFTER-EVENT -- "RIDE THE WAVE WITH RUSH "Big Oxy" LIMBAUGH!"
(Do a couple of 'ringers' with Big Pharma -- sponsored by ROBITUSSIN)

SEPTEMBER 1

OPENING PRAYER by the REVEREND JERRY FALWELL who will demonstrate the
spirit of Compassionate Conservatism=E2"=A2 and the eternal mercy of God
by wishing a horrible fiery death and an eternity in the pit of hell for
all non-white, non-male, non-Christian non-heterosexual non-Republicans.
TOM RIDGE raises National Alert Level to PULSATING RED

THE AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF INSANELY RICH PERSONS (AAIRP) will present
LAURA BUSH with A PLATINUM CHAINSAW in thanks for the Bush
Administration tax cuts (Sponsored by Gulfstream)

ANN COULTER, BILL O'REILLY and SEAN HANNITY will lead a special
TWO-MINUTE HATE aimed at photo of John Kerry.

CLIMAX OF THE EVENING -- DIEBOLD CORPORATION WILL ANNOUNCE ELECTION
RETURNS

- BUSH WINS RE-ELECTION WITH 51% OF VOTE (YET TO BE CAST). (JUSTICE
ANTONIN SCALIA will certify vote results) Diebold Board member Wilbur H.
Grafton will deny fraud, announce his retirement, and be named the new
Ambassador to Jamaica. (Sponsored by Diebold)

SUGGESTED AFTER-EVENT -- GET WRECKED WITH RUSH "Kicker" LIMBAUGH
(sponsored
by Eli Lilly)

SEPTEMBER 2 (nomination night)

OPENING PRAYER by ATTORNEY GENERAL JOHN ASHCROFT, who will then sing
"Let the Eagle Soar" and light the ceremonial "TORCH OF FREEDOM=E2"=A2
with the (actual) Bill of Rights.

TOM RIDGE raises National Alert Level to FIRE ENGINE RED, and ANNOUNCES
CAPTURE OF OSAMA BIN LADEN.

CONVENTION SHIFTS TO "GROUND ZERO" -- DICK CHENEY will introduce and
personally re-nominate PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH, who WILL IMPALE OSAMA
BIN LADEN WITH DAVY CROCKETT'S KENTUCKY LONG RIFLE donated by Wayne
LaPierre (Sponsored by NRA)

PRESIDENT BUSH WILL GIVE ACCEPTANCE SPEECH, standing on Osama's dead
body.

FIRST PEEK - Here is the proposed text for President Bush's speech:

"Hey, Freedom-Lovers! 9-11 Democracy Freedom Stay The Course Evil-doers
trust my gut 9-11 Freedom Evil-doers Stay The Course Democracy 9-11
Evil-doers trust my gut 9-11 Democracy Freedom Stay the course Trust my
gut Tax cuts Who cares what you think Evil-doers Things are great Jesus
speaks to me 9-11 Democracy Freedom Stay The Course Evil-doers 9-11
Freedom Evil-doers Stay The Course Democracy 9-11 Evil-doers trust my
gut 9-11 Democracy Freedom Stay the course Trust my gut Tax cuts Who
cares what you think Evil-doers Things are great Jesus speaks to me.
G'night everybody!"

POST CEREMONY CLOSING NIGHT PARTY OPPORTUNITIES: "GET MAXED with RUSH
'ROCKET CAP' LIMBAUGH!" (Sponsored by GlaxoSmithKline)

RICK SANTORUM '"DOG ON DOG'" PETTING ZOO (adults only, please)
BILL O'REILLY SHOWS OFF PULITZER PRIZE, ACADEMY AWARD, AND NOBEL PEACE
PRIZE

SPECIAL BUFFET -- JOHN ASHCROFT will PERSONALLY EXORCISE A KINDLE
OFCALICO KITTENS, BARBECUE THEM, AND SERVE THEM ON CANAPES (sponsored by
KRAFT "Thick N' Spicy" BBQ Sauce)
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---------------------------------------------------------------------
(-->>BeTTeR LiVinG Thru BetteR LiVING !!<<----)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
PS: The ASPCA of NYC still KILL Dogs & Cats & are a Bunch of LYING
MONEY-GRUBBERS and their SHOW "Animal Precinct" is a con-job
extraordinaire. FEEL FREE To BOYCOTT The Sponsors on The Animal Planet
Cable Channel Until the 43 Wire-haired Terriers who have were released
to the public with active Cushings Disease are treated gratis as per NYS
& NYC Humane Law and LET ASPCA Know You Know About their Attempts at
Coverup: 212-876-7700!!!!

Especially if you have any spare Anipryl or Lysodren Or Nizoral for my
doggie to ease the symptoms, email me!

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[Br'er Rabid]

***@webtv.net (*Because *NYC* Could Be BETTER without idiots like
myself!!) scribbled a Big Chief table and blathered in half-understandable

Post by *Because **NYC** Could Be BETTER!!
Subject: Republican Convention Schedule
AUG. 30
DICK CHENEY hosts AMBASSADORSHIP RAFFLE - Opening Bid 1,000,000 (cash,
non-sequential bills 20's or less)

kinda interesting that BJ and Hildabeast could only think of selling
pardons, "nights in the Lincoln Bedroom," and selling nuclear secrets to
the Communist Chinese, hmmm?

Post by *Because **NYC** Could Be BETTER!!
SUGGESTED AFTER-EVENT -- "GET BAKED WITH RUSH LIMBAUGH!
(Location TBD) (Sponsored by Pfizer)
AUG 31

at least it was pharmacueticals, rather than your hero's, Marion "What
hidden camera, bitch?" Barry's street dope. Nome Sane? Nome Sane?

Post by *Because **NYC** Could Be BETTER!!
OPENING PRAYER read by Our Lord (The Passion Of) Jesus H. Christ, as
channeled

kinda like how John "The Breck Girl" Edwards channels pseudo-science to
advance his ambulance-chasing career and thereby drive up our insurance
costs due to unchecked tort claims?

Post by *Because **NYC** Could Be BETTER!!
DESIGNATED BROWN PERSON (Hispanic or Muslim, or possibly an Hispanic
Muslim, if we can find one) will speak on how being a brown person
doesn't automatically disqualify you from being a Republican (subject to
finding a brown person capable of being bribed to do this -- may need

you are showing the true racist colors from the "party of inclusion."

Post by *Because **NYC** Could Be BETTER!!
professional actor, possibly brought in from third world country)

Nope, actors with brains are so rare, in Africa and ESPECIALLY in this
nation (The Gipper and Ahhnold excepted), that the Republicans wouldn't
draft-a-moron like the dim-o-Rats did. (Hell, we've even got noted FOB,
idiot-liberal, Ron Silver on our side now (groan), but HE wasn't allowed to
speak)

Post by *Because **NYC** Could Be BETTER!!
THE AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF INSANELY RICH PERSONS (AAIRP) will present
LAURA BUSH with A PLATINUM CHAINSAW in thanks for the Bush
Administration tax cuts (Sponsored by Gulfstream)

INSANELY RICH? Will terry kerry be there then? Will she bring her organ-
grinder's monkey of a husband with her? Oh, that's right, neither she nor
he worked for *any* of that money did they?

Post by *Because **NYC** Could Be BETTER!!
ANN COULTER, BILL O'REILLY and SEAN HANNITY will lead a special
TWO-MINUTE HATE aimed at photo of John Kerry.

Hell, anybody can do that! The Swiftees are first in line!

Post by *Because **NYC** Could Be BETTER!!
CLIMAX OF THE EVENING -- DIEBOLD CORPORATION WILL ANNOUNCE ELECTION
RETURNS

Because the moronic dim-o-Rats in Florida cannot draw a single straight
line between two points on a piece of paper. Ya gotta do *something* to
help stupid people (dims) to vote.

Post by *Because **NYC** Could Be BETTER!!
- BUSH WINS RE-ELECTION WITH 51% OF VOTE (YET TO BE CAST). (JUSTICE

actually, it'll be closer to 57% or higher...

Post by *Because **NYC** Could Be BETTER!!
ANTONIN SCALIA will certify vote results) Diebold Board member Wilbur H.
Grafton will deny fraud, announce his retirement, and be named the new
Ambassador to Jamaica. (Sponsored by Diebold)

and the libby dim-o-Rats will start another four year whine about the fact
that they (and John Keloid) got their butts kicked, and try to invent some
other lie about how they were "cheated" out of their birthright, the White
House.

Post by *Because **NYC** Could Be BETTER!!
CONVENTION SHIFTS TO "GROUND ZERO" -- DICK CHENEY will introduce and
personally re-nominate PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH, who WILL IMPALE OSAMA
BIN LADEN WITH DAVY CROCKETT'S KENTUCKY LONG RIFLE donated by Wayne
LaPierre (Sponsored by NRA)

Hell, I can live with that. Lemme get my video cam...

Post by *Because **NYC** Could Be BETTER!!
PRESIDENT BUSH WILL GIVE ACCEPTANCE SPEECH

that will cause Kerry to "reorganize" (fire) his staff and hire on some
klintonistas.
"I enjoyed watching Hanoi-boi, JohnnyNam become the VERY FIRST candidate to
get a NEGATIVE number "bounce" after his convention. Hell even Dakooky,
DuCrapis, (what WAS that famous lib-o-Rat's name?) Helmet-headed tank-
driver... his wife's name was Tippling Titty, or was it Alcohi-kitty, well
whatever it was, just another dim-o-rat drunk. At least *she's* hetero,
unlike PIAPS (Pig In A Pants Suit - Hildabeast)

I digress... AT LEAST DUKAKIS CAME OUT OF "HIS" CONVENTION WITH A *ZERO*
BOUNCE, UNLIKE KERRY'S -3 (MINUS THREE) POINTS.

BUWAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHHAHAHAHAAHAHA!! LMLWCAO! (lily, white, conservative)